1-20-1975

this isn't the best picture of my birthday cake that my bible study group (Anna) made for me this evening. it was fantastic. we (5 of us) ate the whole thing. i think i had 3 servings....it was so good. Jen orchestrated a stupendous dinner as well..... this is my awesome group (minus Justin who came after the prep was done, and Aaron who was absent) cooking up a storm. fresh steamed broccoli and cauliflower, sweet potato fries, and 2 small chickens were served. we all sat at the table like a family, ate, and enjoyed each others company...and the food. it was the perfect way to spend my birthday. with good, solid, fun, lovin friends. after i ate more food than i think I've consumed in the past week combined we sat down to do our bible study. after study we dived into dessert.
Jen and Anna, my 2 all time favorite girls, got me a little gift that i am super pumped to use. a gift certificate to the Buckle. since I've still been losing weight they thought it'd be fun to hook me up with some new jeans. so fun. i just got 2 new pairs about 2 weeks ago cuz my current ones were falling off my body. so...i am going to wait til i lose 6 more lbs (which will = a total of 40) and than go spend my birthday gift. love that Jen and Anna are so aware of my goals with weight lose and celebrated my birthday acknowledging that. they also made most of the food with weight watchers in mind...love that!some of the other super fun things that happened today were:
-i got lots of fun texts messages, voice messages and emails from friends
-i also had 4 signing birthday messages on my phone after work. I've listened to them like 5 times already...they are so cute.
-got a caribou card from Sara....sweet! and i got a free drink this morning from caribou...so i was there two times today. hope i can fall asleep tonight.
-got lots of happy wishes from my students.
-got some brand new fun socks from Krissie
-a grapefruit, my favorite fruit of all, from the ball team

i have nothing to complain about, except that i am 34 years old...yikes, that's old!

day off....

today is a holiday- Martin Luther King Day- a no work day!!!! but for me it's more than that. today is 'JoAnn's Day'. The day before my birthday. last year at this time i was here.....

in sunny Florida. i went for 6 days..it was fantastic. i just got done reading all my blog entries that i posted while there. i remember spending a lot of time surrounding my expectations, finding solitude, reading my bible, journaling, getting a tan, and hanging with Ashlee. It was great. a super fun trip. This year since i am coaching basketball again a vacation alone is not a possibility. But...today since it's a holiday i treated myself to 2 things i highly enjoy! a hour at caribou- ALONE- reading my bible and drinking coffee; by the fire! it was quiet (except for the dude talking really loudly on his phone) and warm. After that i headed over to Simonsons to get my hour long massage. i don't do these very often cuz they are spendy...but i love them! Gabe, who did the massage- was fantastic! i was a little nervous about a guy doing the massage, but it was great. he knew just how hard to push on those tiny little knots that seem to make there way deep into my shoulders. it was very relaxing. so worth my money! i wasn't as uncomfortable as i thought i would be in a room with a dude with only my underwear on, with dim lights and soft music playing...yikes! the rest of my day off entails basketball practice and than an evening on the town with Joe. He is a good friend from college who frequently likes to take me out. He is super nice and i am excited to spend the evening out! nothing major...just dinner, drinks, and conversation. but regardless...it will be a good time. sweet-

TEARS

tears don't often find my eyes, but when they do they are often intense tears. for those of you that don't know me, i don't cry very often. I've been told by people that know me well that i am 'too tough' and that i should be more willing to cry. it's not that i don't cry cuz i don't have feelings, trust me- i do. tears just don't make there way out very often. i remember my best friend Jen (growing up) freaking out when i hurt my knee playing high school basketball. I was a junior, she was senior and that was the first time she ever witnessed me cry...she thought i was dying. anyways.
this past week I've cried 3 times, which is not normal. but as i look back at my week - i think my tears were a very good thing. Tuesday i biffed it hard down my stairs, and cried cuz it hurt, and also i think i cried cuz it was sort of funny. i did something to my knee (the one i had re-constructive surgery on) while running the day before. as i was getting ready for work on Tuesday morning i realized that it hurt, but it wasn't a big deal; my knee aches after a hard run most of the time...this i thought was no different. as i went to go down the stairs i put all my weight on my knee it gave out and i biffed it. yeah- it sounds bad...and it made a horrible noise. i had a basket full of laundry in my hands so cloths went flying. i landed on my butt (good source of padding) and just sort of slide all the way down. no major issues came from the fall- except for my knee. it still kills. i have a hard time putting all my body weight on it. tears came that morning cuz of my fall...and cuz it was funny. I cried on Wednesday when i attended a funeral. mostly cuz funerals are sad, but also cuz we sang 2 hymns that were my grandmas favorite...and i miss her! funerals are never easy. but the tears that came in my car on the way home were healing tears...i think. I've had a lot of bottled up emotions concerning a friend and i think they finally made there way out during my drive home; and i think that was a very good thing. than came Friday...yikes! i never ever let my students get the best of me. ever!!!! i remember seeing a teacher in high school cry in front of us and i thought she was a weird-o and was weak...so I've made a pack with myself that I'd never let me students see me cry. but Friday my 7th hour 'hellion's' got the best of me. I've struggled with these 38 students since the beginning of the TRI (beginning of Dec). they are nothing less than horrible. of course, there are about 10 student that do all of the 'helling' (is that a word?) and it broke me. i tossed my book in the air, yelled that i was done teaching...made my way to the phone, called the principal, sat at my desk and cried - right in front of them. the principal got there and was astonished that i was crying, and told me to leave the room. i did. there was another staff member waiting for me in the hallway. she hugged me and reminded me to breath. it sucked. I've seriously never in my life been so at a lose at how to get these students attention, and keep it. it's insane the things they do. it's insane the lack of respect they have. it's scary to hear the things they have to say to me, and to watch their attitudes. i cried; hard! i think i also cried cuz it's not fair to the 20 kids that are in that class that day after day don't get to learn cuz of the 10 that cause havoc. not sure what Monday is going to bring but if you are the praying sort...please pray for me and my 7th hour crew. we are in class from 12:26-1:15. the good that came from my tears was that my principal now understands just how much of a struggle this class is and she has offered her support...so hopefully between her and i, we will find a way to remove so much of the hell i see and replace it with a little heaven! if that makes sense!!!!
tears....they don't often find my eyes, but when they do they are intense. it's been an tense week!