i finally did it!

Morning! where would mornings be without coffee! ha.

so, about 7 months ago a co-worker friend of mine convinced me to join a on line dating site called POF (plenty of fish). this site was free...and it seemed to be a good place to find dates; or so my friend said it had been for her. and since i was NOT having any luck on the 'christian' site i was on nor in the normal dating scene...i decided to give it a whirl. Yes, POF is NOT a christian dating site! the past 7 months on this site has taught me SO MANY things.

lets talk about the good things i've learned first. :) for those of you that know me well know that i have not had a ton of experience with dating. in high school boys were just silly to me. yes, i crushed on some but just didn't find it a big deal to date them. college- i was busy with basketball, school, and yes... crushing on ONE guy the whole dang time. so i missed out big time in college, that i will admit. life after college- i became highly involved in coaching basketball and my social life WAS my job(s). so... i think the biggest thing that POF has taught me is that dating is fun! regardless.... it's fun to get fancied up and go out. the excitement...well, is just that- exciting! to be wined and dined is awesome!!! :) along the way i've also realized (learned) that I am totally 'datable' material! i think since i've had such a lack of it in my life i just convinced my self that i was NOT datable; but to much my surprise, i am datable! and in fact- i seem to be a pretty fun date. awesome- right? it's about time i've realized that! POF has given me a confidence booster- one that i think has been far, far over due. but more importantly than those things i've learned that i want a man that is in LOVE WITH GOD. of course...i've always said that, wanted that, prayed for that and looked for that. but...well, i wont get into the 'but' part. i'll just say that POF has taught me that men that don't love God are NOT for me. i think the past 7 months of dating has narrowed my list of needs (deal-breakers if you will); and with out a doubt a man that is in love with God is at the top. a year ago- i would NOT have not said that...i would have simply said that i wanna find a 'nice' guy- one that can love me like i wanna be loved. well...thanks to POF i've realized that a man cant love me that way i wanna be loved unless he loves God first and for most. It's been an awesome (and yet horrible-) experience just to figure that out! yah, i should have figured that out a LONG time ago- but....sometimes ya gotta learn by living, right?

now for the bad that i've learned. (which maybe is still good things to learn, just in the wrong way; if that makes sense) MEN ARE PIGS... yes, i said it. i love them...and want one all to myself for sure, but they are PIGS. i've never had so many guys say and expect inappropriate things from me! yah, i'll keep it rated PG- but will say that 9 out of 1o of the men that i chatted with on line, chatted with on the phone, or went on a face to face date with wanted/expected sex...or something along those lines. ON THE FIRST FREAKING DATE- ahhhh, are you kidding me? i got real good at saying NO! which, i guess is a good thing to learn! ha- total PIGS. yes, 1 out of 10 were gems. good guys, looking for a good women! and they are what kept me on POF for so long. hoping that in some strange way the 'good guy' or man of God that i was searching for would be on this site! I dated a guy this past summer for 7 weeks...he was a POF guy; one of the good ones. And i learned so much in that small amount of time. How i SHOULD be treated...l learned that i need a man that is NOT selfish... I learned how to break up... i learned how to mend from a broken heart....and I learned to never borrow money to a guy! see...good things to learn- just in an unfortunate way!

i've been thinking the past 2 weeks that i needed to cancel my POF profile. i haven't been on the site much lately and when i do - it only makes me feel 'dirty'; if that makes sense. I've had some moments where i've thought that right thing to do would be to cancel it! but... it's like one of those horrible addictions - just hard to give up! it supplied a need for me, just in the wrong way! fortunately, the last straw happened this morning. i got an email (to my personal email) from a guy that i had a few short conversations with on line about 2 months ago. he seemed like a 'good' one. and i actually think he is a good guy. but, i was not attracted to him and didn't want to continue conversations with him. He seemed to think differently. and this morning i got a very rude email from him; totally out of the blue too...it was sort of like verbal abuse- details not needed! but when i was done i had NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that i needed to cancel my POF profile. i honestly think it was a sign from God...one that was intense enough that i could NOT ignore it! so- i did, i canceled! and to much my surprise, i feel a million and half times better about myself. i think going on dates the past 7 months has been awesome. and i think i will miss it; alot! but i also know that i am WORTHY of something purer than what POF can offer me. I am done! and i feel good. clean! pure! like God is really happy with the things i've learned that the realization i had this morning. I would not change my experience(s)... now it's about finding the right kind of experience. i have NOT given up on dating. I have not written men off; not even close. i still want a 'pig' all to myself. hahaha. i am still on a on line (christian version) dating site, and i still have the energy and excitement to go on dates. i just have a new vision; and i like it. :)

thanks for reading. sorry so long!

i had one of the busiest weekends in a long time.

Friday- i spent the day at school preparing for a new TRI and new students. I was hoping to be out of there by noon, and instead was there till 4. from there i ran home, showered and changed for a date with guy #1. (no, i wont tell you his name) guy #1 and i have been emailing back and forth for months now. he lives most of his life over seas working, so email was our way of communication. he has become a good friend via email. but, cool enough he was in town this weekend and we got to meet face to face. We, well maybe i should only speak for myself, had a great time. We chatted over sushi...for hours. He bye far is one of the most interesting men i've ever went on a date with. His stories are unbelievable....and amazing. guy # 1 had all my attention from the get go. Not only is he fabulously interesting, but he is very attractive. BUT- he is moving permanently to Africa to work, so there is NO point in dating. we will stay email pals.... and that will be fun! but outside of that- nothing!!!!

Saturday morning- Christmas brunch with my bible study table leaders. We got together, played games, and had good food. it was a chance to get to know the 14 ladies the help lead my thursday night bible study. we laughed, and i totally enjoyed myself.

Saturday afternoon- date with guy #2- i meet him a week ago on a online dating site and we seemed to hit it off right away. we have had more convo's via texting messaging than i've ever had. we headed champs....shared some nacho's, had a drink and just chatted. again...a great way to spend an afternoon. guy #2 is one of the sweetest guys i've ever meet. he is kind, patience, a gentleman, funny, and seems to really dig me- which is a massive bonus! we laughed a lot and i found myself wanting the date TO NOT END...but he got called out to go plow (stupid snow) so we had to cut our date early. but...no worries- we made plans for date #2 on sunday! :)

Saturday night- since working in the infant room at church i've met some great ladies that have become a big part of my life. Aundrea Johnson, i hope, is going to become one of those people. we've only volunteered together for a couple months, but hit it off instantly. She is funny, easy to talk with, a little crazy and has a sense of 'life' to her. We decided we needed to hang outside of the infant room so we got together at her house and had a night full of constant chatter!!!! literally- constant!!!! i've found a new, fast friend and am soooo excited about it. it is hard to find solid, fun single friends your age- and when you do, they are a massive blessing! I cant wait to get to know her more.

Sunday morning- church...which was amazing as always. and...i took the whole month off from volunteering, so i had lots of time to enjoy conversation with people at church that i dont often get to see.

Sunday afternoon- got in my car and drove to guy #2's house. we got take out pizza, watched the viks, hung out with his roommate and his girlfriend and played with his dog floyd! very enjoyable. i am sure that i will see guy #2 again....at least i hope i do. not sure where it is going yet, and am okay with not knowing. going on dates is fun....and it for sure is a great way to get to know someone. i dont have the answers yet, so don't ask me. just know that i am enjoying the process, and i seem to enjoy guy #2 a lot. :)

sunday evening.... home, ate, watched the news, did this blog and am heading to bed- it's 9:26- yip..... i am exhausted. what a great weekend.